Mindful, Magical Holidays  

"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans."

~ John Lennon

 

I love the holidays. Maybe because my spirit delights in celebrating, more than anything else. Or because we give ourselves permission to slow down, savor life, and each other's presence -- a little bit more. But last year my celebrational bubble was burst.

As background, nothing thrills me more than going to church with my two beautiful daughters, now 19 and 22, on Christmas Eve. Festive music, sparkly gold lights, wearing soft velvet, combined with sitting arm-in-arm with my girls in a spiritual gathering place, and I'm in mom bliss. Seriously, you've never seen me smile so big. But last year, when we got to the church, all bets were off. I won't go into the details, but as we pulled into the parking lot, my daughters announced they wouldn't be going in to the service after all. They would stay in the car.

Oh yes, I was emotionally triggered. I felt sadness. I felt anger. And to make it even more painful, my reactive mind made this meaning out of it: "Christmas Eve, alone. No one sits in church on Christmas Eve, alone!"

On the verge of tears, I spotted one of the ministers, Rev. Sharon Ramey, and had the wherewithal to show my vulnerability and reach out for support. As a mom and deeply loving person, Sharon would get it. She hugged me, spoke a life-affirming prayer, and invited me to sit with her family. I was appreciative ... but still holding out hope that my daughters would change their minds, I went to the front and saved us three seats. I envisioned them flying through the double doors at the last minute with a changed heart. "Mama, we are so sorry, we know how important this is to you, and we're sooo happy to be here, celebrating with you! The Center for Spiritual Living rocks! Please forgive our momentary lapse."

I'm sure you can see what was happening in my inner world: I was attached. Big time. I wanted our time together to match the sweet vision I'd been holding in my heart for weeks. It didn't. As the band began playing the opening song and I gave up their saved seats, I heard my inner voice whisper to me. "Let go, Betsy.  Savor this moment. You're here! Let yourself enjoy. You are not alone."

Here's what I know about the holidays. We anticipate, we plan, and we have fantasies of how things will play out. Without being conscious of it, we cling to expectations of how things should go, and especially, how our loved ones should act.  We don't often figure in our human frailties or the humanness of our dearly beloveds, or of strangers in store lines and on the road, for that matter. We have expectations that we cling to like a rock climber desperately grasping a rocky hold.

There is another way. We can wonder, envision, and expect great things, but let go of the "shoulds." Relax our expectations. And most importantly, know that we are in charge of how we experience life. We get to decide how we want to feel, regardless of others' actions or inactions.

In other words, there is very little can we actually control. But we can keep the inner magic flowing.   

I encourage you to consciously create an intention for your holidays. Such as "I am at peace, feeling blissful." Whenever the humanness of you or another takes you away from your intention, come back to your holiday mantra. Take it to the post office, shopping, parties and family gatherings. "I am __________, feeling _____________. "   

Breathe. Stay in the present moment. Accept what is. If you're feeling blissful, savor the ecstasy. If you're feeling depressed, feel your sadness all the way through. If you're in a time of healing, let yourself relax into, and embrace, this time of healing.

Awake and open to the moment, we can receive the gift of holiday magic.  

If you are ready to move through struggle and strife to create your magical life, I would love to work with you individually to help propel your forward. I offer 30-minute coaching consultations to see if we would be a good fit for a dynamic coaching partnership. Call me at 206-605-2900 or send me an email.